by

C.J. Prince

I flopped on Harrie’s sofa and glared at the mug of chai she set precisely centered on a crystal glass coaster in front of me.

"My grandmother always urged a cuppa tea when you’re down and out," Harrie crooned in a perfect Scottish accent. She wasn’t Scottish.

"Harrie, I don’t want tea."

"Just let me get this," she said as she flipped the vacuum into a roar and zipped across the footprints I’d left on her pristine cobalt blue carpet.

"Harrie, c’mon. I need to talk," I yelled over the disturbance.

"Be right with you, Sweetie." She snapped off the vacuum and briskly whipped the cord into place. "Okay, tell me what’s up, Dannah?" She put the vacuum in her cleaning closet and turned to run a dust cloth over the dining room table.

"Harrie, I want you to sit down and look at me when I’m talking to you. I need your support here."

"Dannah darling, you always have my support," she said as she leaned across me to dust the windowsill behind the sofa.

The backdoor opened and I heard the click of heels on shiny linoleum. Talia Master.

"Dannah, I don’t have a minute but I wanted to stop off and tell you I’m here for you. I got your voice mail. Sounded like you needed us pronto." She smiled. Her black hair hung in an easy pageboy. She was dressed for work in a pin stripped suit, teal blue silk blouse and chic Gucci heels. My toes wriggled around in my Birks, grateful for the space.

"Great. You’re both here but you can’t hear." I slumped back into the cushion and frowned.

"My, you’re grumpy this morning. I’d love to hear about it but I have a patient," she checked her watch, "in fifteen minutes. Can we meet for dinner?" Talia glanced at Harrie and back at me, her raised eyebrows waiting for an answer.

"I don’t know if I can wait." I pursed my lips. I didn’t want to just blurt it out.

"What?" Talia asked.

"Zip came over last night."

"You slept with him." They spoke in unison but Harrie’s was a question, Talia’s a statement. They both were at my sides, arms around me in seconds.

"How could you?" Harrie asked, shaking her head and rubbing my back.

"How could I?" I swallowed, trying to force the lump in my throat out of the way. It didn’t work. They held me.

"Honey, I’m home," the voice danced as the back door opened and closed quietly. Lauren paused at the entry, hair swept up in a tidy bun, make up enhancing the violet blue eyes. She straightened the prim pink suit jacket and took two hesitant steps forward.

"Dannah, I’m so sorry, Sweetheart. It’s Zip, isn’t it? And it’s a girl thing? Promise you’ll call me later. I have to know." Lauren blew me a kiss, looked rejected and left so quietly you wouldn’t know she wore four inch spiked pink satin heels.

Lauren is Loren, Harrie’s next door neighbor and usually just one of the girls. A gay transvestite. We all love him but instinctively he knew I needed to be with my soul sisters. How did everyone know it was Zip? Am I that tragic?

"Dannah, I know this could be an all day thing. Tell us the basics. We have to be able to take care of you." Talia was going to be late to work and she hated that.

"Start at the beginning," Harrie said quietly, squeezing my hand. The lump grew in my throat but I nodded.

"I just finished a big painting, two feet by three feet. An angel flying over an airplane in the mists. The doorbell rang. I was a mess. Oil paint on my hands, my apron pocket full of brushes. No makeup. The bell kept ringing but I ignored it as I swirled my signature into the left hand corner."

I saw Harrie and Talia exchange glances and figured they wanted me to hurry up.

"I grabbed an old cloth, dabbed it in turpentine, and rubbed at my fingers as I hurried to the front door." They knew that wasn’t very far. My home and my studio and my entire life is contained in a converted chicken coop. No kidding. Sounds kooky but the rent is reasonable. Okay. Cheap. The Colonel and his wife converted it some years ago as a guest cottage. She died and he decided to rent it to me when everything went awry with Zip. The lump in my throat was almost gagging me.

"There he was. Zip. Handsome as ever but with a two day old beard. His blue eyes snuggling into me. He handed me a bouquet of flowers." I sniffed. My jaw tightened.

"Probably stole them," Harrie murmured. Again the look between the two of them.

"They were wrapped in cellophane, like from a florist," I don’t know why I was defending him. She shrugged a shoulder as if to say, what difference would that make? She was right but I didn’t want to admit it.

"He came in, produced a bottle of excellent cabernet from his backpack and poured two glasses. He had that raw, intimate, I-need-you look. I had to listen to him. His new girl friend Amethyst turned him out."

"Smart woman," Talia said.

"He said he had no where to turn, that we’d had such good times, did I remember this and that and we were suddenly laughing at those few good times. I served peanut butter on crackers and he told me he was so lost and I was the only one in the world for him and please would I take him back." Harrie handed me a tissue and I blew my nose.

"You didn’t say yes, did you?" Talia asked, her tone disapproving.

"No, I didn’t say yes," I snapped.

"Dannah, honey, cut to the chase. What happened in bed?" Harrie insisted.

"Well, he was so dear, so sweet, so in need of being held, and our bodies felt so good together and there we were and there was no time or place or sense of here and now or the past and it was…" I blew my nose again. "Wonderful." I started crying, the lump making me gasp for breath in great heaving sobs.

"Really?" Harrie was obviously skeptical.

I shook my head. "No. Well, at first it was. But then he got a little rough. Then it was just an orgasm and an escape." I didn’t go into details.

Harrie rubbed my back. Talia held a damp paper towel to my forehead.

"And you didn’t use protection?" I could tell Talia was trying not to be judgmental. Her voice was soft. I looked up, dabbing my eyes with a soggy tissue, and shook my head. No.

"First things first, Sweetheart. You’re forty. You’ve never been pregnant by some luck of the gods. What if you’re pregnant?" Harrie asked.

"I’m not," I protested.

"Answer me, Sweet Pea. What if?"

"Do you want a baby in your life right now?" Talia spoke.

"Sweet Jesus, no. Not then, not now, not ever. It’s not my destiny. How could I ever cope with a baby? I can hardly deal with my own issues. There’s no place for a baby in the Coop. Just for me and Half Moon, sweet kitty."

Talia tapped her David Yurman watch, flipped open her cell phone and spoke into it. "Office."

Harrie held a wastebasket under my hand and I dropped in a mound of damp tissues—plus the wet paper towel.

"Thanks." Jeez, what if I really were pregnant. I can’t be. Crazy. What about those drug store tests. Should I do one of those?

"And you left him at the Coop to come over here?" Harrie asked.

I nodded. "Stupid, I know."

"Dusty, cancel my nine o’clock. No, re-schedule her for that opening this afternoon. Hold the space. I’m on my way in. With Dannah. Set up Exam Room number one. Yes, for a pelvic."

Shit. It was a blessing and a curse for one of my best friends to be a doctor. I guess I’ll call it a blessing.

Harrie’s doorbell rang. She glided to the peephole and peered. "Guess who?" she called back over her shoulder quietly.

Talia ushered me to the back side of the door, next to the drapes. She peeked out but we both already knew who it was.

"Zip, what a surprise," Harrie gushed. "No, Dannah’s not here. Left her car here for Loren to work on. What are you up to these days?"

I strained to hear his answers but could tell he was mumbling, yes, probably lying. Damn, how could I start this all over again, and bring my best friends into it?

I scooted around Talia, pulled the drapery back a smidge and peeped out the window. In the bright light of an October morning, he looked pretty scruffy. Unkempt. Dark circles under his eyes. I was jolted into current reality. Not that mindless state I’d been in after a little wine and his sad sack stories. I eased the curtain back into place and turned to look at Talia. She put her arms around me and held me as I shook.

"Nope. I don’t expect her back today. She was leaving Fondis to go up to Denver to look for a job," Harrie lied.

"C’mon," Talia whispered. "I parked in the alley out back. Harrie knows where we’re going. And she’ll get rid of your ex scum ball. Pardon the expression."

I climbed into Talia’s Mercedes and we skimmed down the alley on a cloud as if there were no pot holes.

"Don’t worry, Dannah. We’ll work this out. What are friends for?" She reached across and squeezed my hand.

"I’m so stupid. Shit." I started to cry again and she let me. I’d married Mr. Scum Ball, that’s what everyone called him after the divorce, on an impulse, thinking he was Mr. Right. Wrong. Totally wrong. He never kept a job. Drank. Promised me everything. Delivered nothing. I stuck it out for as long as I could. He made a business deal with my brother and then absconded with all the funds, personal money my bro had put up. That did it. By then he was into drugs of some kind. Would be gone for a long time and come in looking worse than an un-neutered alley cat. I lost my car, my house and eventually my job because of him. Whatever was I thinking to bed him last night? Obviously, I wasn’t thinking at all.

Talia pulled into the back of the clinic. Humbly, I followed her through the employee entrance. She settled me in the back examination room and handed me a gown.

"Caroline will be in to take your vitals. I’ll be right back."

"Yes, Doc." I forced a smile.

H

Chapter II

"Dannah, I want to do some basic tests for sexually transmitted diseases," Talia said, pulling on rubber gloves as I lay back, trying to relax. Caroline pressed a button on the CD player and soft new age music filled the room.

Talia glanced at my fisted hands and turned to Caroline. "Chamomile tea, please." Caroline slipped out the door.

"You know I hate those icy cold metal things you stick in my vagina," I shuddered in advance of the intrusion.

"Problem solved, Dannah. We use disposable plastic spectulums now, and I have a special unit to heat it to body temperature. It shouldn’t be a problem." She moved the paper cloth past my knees and frowned. I always feel so vulnerable in this position. It’s easier now in some ways, but equally weird to have your best friend nudging around in your private parts.

She made a tsking sound between her lips. "I’ll need to use a swab, take a culture to send off to the lab."

Caroline opened the door and carried a mug of tea to the counter.

"I’ll let you know if I need your help, Caroline." Talia didn’t look up and Caroline left.

"How are you doing?"

"How do you think? I feel stupid and duped and I hurt."

"You should. There’s some damage here. I’m going to look for Trichomonas, she said, moving to a microscope on the counter. "I’ll give you a prescription to cover it just in case. Then we have to wait for the lab results before we can determine anything further."

I stared at the mobile over the exam table. Dolphins and birds edged together in a slow twirl like a Escheresque sculpture.

Talia slipped the tiny cell from her suit jacket, flicked it open. "Yes, Harrie. The back exam room. Bring your bag." Talia wrote something in my chart. For a long time.

"Dannah, this is serious. I’d call it rape. To be reported. Put out a restraining order." She pursed her lips.

"But I was willing. At first."

"No matter. Date rape. You haven’t looked at yourself have you?"

I wondered what she meant. I knew I looked a wreck. No sleep. No make up. My faded old jeans, paint streaked tee shirt. No, I hadn’t looked at myself. I knew I was a mess.

"You’re ripped and torn. I can prescribe a cream but I’m afraid you’ll be sore for some time." She moved to a drawer and returned to my left side. "Take a deep breath and let it out slowly as you look at the flower picture on the wall."

I turned my head to the right. The red hibiscus was ablaze with faeries dancing about the yellow stamen. I hardly felt the needle go in my left vein.

A soft knock on the door and Harrie entered with her old black leather doctor’s bag filled with homeopathic remedies.

"Good Goddess. That bastard," she ground the words out, shaking her head.

Talia handed me a mirror and I sat up slowly. I was sore from not having had sex for so long. Angling the mirror, I saw what they saw. Black and blue marks. And massacred flesh at the entrance to my womb. I looked away but not at them.

"Not just there. Look at your shoulders. Look at your breasts," Talia instructed, her voice terse and disapproving.

Harrie was rummaging in her bag. "Why didn’t you say so? Damnit." She pulled out a small brown vial and tapped out a single white pellet. "Take this. Arnica. I want you on it all day, every hour. Hold it. Even holding it, you’ll get the vibrational healing energy."

I’d heard this all before. I understand the premise of homeopathic remedies. I just don’t understand what happened to my body. How I could let this happen. Again. Closing my eyes, I dropped my chin to my chest, ashamed. I opened them to see my damaged flesh and jerked my head up.

"Now this. Ledum for the battering. You probably need Ruta and…" she let out a great sigh. "That asshole. You’ll need something else, I have to think about it. Maybe Pulsatilla. Dannah, I’m so sorry."

"But it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let him in my house."

"I know. You can’t backtrack and undo the past. We’ve all done things that didn’t suit our best interests." Talia was futzing with vials. "I want you to take some western meds too to support your system." She glanced challengingly at Harrie. "My call. Our patient. Remember what we agreed?" Talia interlaced her fingers. "Western meds interwoven with alternatives. Finding the balance to best suit the patient."

We all remembered, I’m sure. It is an endless battle those two wage and I get to play devil’s advocate and provoke them both.

Harrie nodded and pulled out a tube of cream. "Traumeel cream. It will help the bruising. Would have helped if you’d gotten it on right away." Carefully she began to apply it, starting at my head and working down.

"My head?" I yanked up the mirror and didn’t see anything.

"There, there, lassie, it’s okay. You’re still in shock." Harrie was crooning her Scottish accent, murmuring gently as she worked her way down to my ankles.

Talia stepped to the door, and opened it, signaling her medical assistant Caroline.

"Bring the digital," Talia said.

Caroline, always on the edge of our circle, was a friend. I trusted her but still felt uncomfortable. She entered quietly, with the small digital camera.

"Full body shot, limb shots and tight shots," Talia instructed. Caroline followed directions. I tried to ignore her.

I didn’t realize how sore I was all over. I forced my fingers through my unruly hair and found the tender spot on the side of my head. Oh, yeah. My hair. I leaned back on the exam table. Caroline took more pictures.

"He doesn’t like my hair short. Said I looked like a dyke." Images of the previous evening kept blinking in and out, like puzzle pieces. "He grabbed my hair and shook my head…" Tears puddled in my eyes.

"Where was Half Moon during all this?" Harrie asked about my beloved cat.

"Half Moon." Jerking up from the table, I tossed the disposable sheet aside and stood, pulling off my gown. "I have to find her. He threw her out. I never let her out at night. Shit. What if an owl got her? Or ?" Great horned owls were still known to capture small animals on the outskirts of Fondis. Even though I lived near downtown, I was careful with sweet baby cat who I called Moonie.

"Dannah. Calm down." Harrie reached for my arm and I flung it aside, grabbing my jeans.

"I don’t think I’ll be calm for some time. I’ve got to find my cat."

Talia and Harrie exchanged a glance.

"Dannah, here are your prescriptions. Go to My Pharmacy on Main Street. I’ll let them know to put it on my account." Talia was all business, staying in the doctor mode. That was good. I didn’t want sympathy now. I think they both knew that. Harrie handed me my tee shirt.

"Here, put these in your pocket. I’ll remind you when to take them. You’re riding with me."

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot. My car is at your house."

Harrie brushed at my dirty tee shirt unsuccessfully. "We will leave your car there in case Mr. Abusive comes back. Loren will take care of it. And I know just the place to go. Talia, can you meet us after work at the Body, Mind and Spirit Spa?"

"Harrie, I have to go home. I have to look for Moonie," I insisted.

"We’ll go there right now."

"Be careful. He may be lurking around still," Caroline said, knowingly. I forgot that she’d had a bad incident a few years ago.

"Thanks, Caroline." I looked her in the eyes and found compassion. I wasn’t quite so embarrassed.

H

Chapter III

Harrie obsessed over her car as much as her house. It looked and smelled brand new even though she’d driven it for a couple of years. I stamped the soles of my Birkenstocks together to get rid of whatever might cling and swiveled into the passenger seat, noting how my tender parts were connected to my feet.

"Let’s do lunch, Dannah. You must be starved," Harrie said as she pulled into traffic.

"I have to find Half Moon first. I can fix something at my place," I volunteered wondering what I had left in the turnabout kitchen area besides an empty bottle of wine and the dregs of a cracker box. I’d tossed the peanut butter jar.

"We’ll find your puss in boots, Sweetie, but then I’m taking you out to lunch. Someplace where the thug won’t find us," she stated.

"Don’t you have any clients today?"

"I had one this afternoon but I re-scheduled. Don’t worry about it." Harrie knew all the back routes to take to avoid mid day traffic jams in Fondis and soon we pulled up next to the Coop, little but well loved. Hollyhocks tilted in awkward directions, the flowers still persisting even after last week’s snow. The zinnias lay flat, giving up when only a memory summer’s heat remained.

The Colonel stepped out of the big house and waved, his white undershirt tucked precisely in his old army pants. His posture, military straight, defied his age, in his 70s, I guessed.

The door to the Coop was ajar and I frowned. Harrie followed me inside. I gasped at the disarray. I wasn’t as tidy as Harrie but in a small place I had to figure out a place for everything. Nothing was in its place.

"Oh my God." I gasped, looking from place to place.

"He must have been looking for money," Harrie deduced.

"Oh, no," I groaned. I stepped into the larger area, not really a room, but my general living area and looked at the easel. The painting was gone, the easel tipped aside. At least it wasn’t broken. My eyes searched everywhere amongst my scattered possessions. It wasn’t to be seen.

Harrie was folding towels and picking things up and putting them back.

"I wouldn’t do that," the Colonel’s voice barked from the door. "Evidence. I called the police. Some young hoodlum went bezerk in here."

His eyes narrowed as he looked at me. "Or was it someone you knew, Dannah?"

I gulped and cast my eyes away from his. The old Colonel was a father figure to me and I hated to disappoint him, to let him know what I’d done.

"Zip, huh?" He’d been there for me then, and helped me out by letting me rent this place. If I was late on rent, or missed a month, he let me run errands or some such to pay it off. I dropped my chin.

Cars jerked to a stop outside.

"That must be the MP," he said.

The next half hour filled with questions by uniformed officers, a representative from Fondis Family Counseling and Talia’s lawyer who advised me to say nothing. The Colonel stood by my side, occasionally putting his arm around me. Harrie kept wanting to know when she could clean up.

When the photographer from the Fondis Daily News showed up, the Colonel urged me up to the big house.

"I can’t. I have to find Half Moon," I said, pulling back.

"Don’t worry, little lady. That cat of yours is sippin’ milk right now in my kitchen. When I saw what had happened in your house, I scooped him up and settled him in my kitchen. My housekeeper Sari is cooing and pettin’ him plenty. Oh, yes, I left your door open just like I found it. I watch enough cop shows to know not to destroy any evidence. Now come along, and join us." Sari had been the house keeper since "long before the Misses passed." She still looked after the Colonel. And sometimes me.

Harrie shook her head. "I have to get her out of here, Colonel. Take her to lunch someplace where that scoundrel won’t find us."

"Harrie, I have to see my keekat." They both nodded and we followed the Colonel through the rose garden to the back steps of the old Victorian mansion.

Moonie was curled in the full, round lap of Sari Thompson, kneading and purring. He didn’t even look up at me.

"Well, I can see he’s happy enough. Silly cat. You scared me. I was worried about you." He closed his eyes, typically ungrateful for my concern. I suddenly remembered him hissing at Zip last night. Good kitty. If only I’d paid more attention to his instincts. I wasn’t even tuned into my own, let alone his.

"We’ll take good care of that cat of yours, young lady. You and Harrie go on along now and have lunch. I’d have Sari make you up somethin’ but I imagine you want to talk things over. And I’ll let you know if I see hide nor hair of that good for nothin’." The Colonel’s deep voice reassured me.

I rubbed my fingers along Moonie’s spine. His purr deepened. Harrie grabbed my hand and we slipped out the back door.

"First things first. We’ll go eat. Then I’ll help you get the Coop cleaned up," Harrie said. "Remind me to get those ice packs from the cooler in my car. Talia wants you to use them on and off all day." I’d forgotten.

H

I loved eating at the Lady of the Lake with the elegant views of Lake Fondis from every table. The restaurant wrapped around a curve in the lake, full windows looking out on a one eighty. My favorite lunch place but not one I indulged in myself. Too pricey.

"Weird. I’m not very hungry," I admitted as I opened the menu.

"Your body needs sustainance," Harrie scolded. "Start with some soup."

That sounded good and I ordered the special of the week, pumpkin soup. Harrie went for clam chowder. She pointed out a red tail hawk circling on a thermal over the lake.

I turned just as Sassy Cambridge came out of the kitchen with Marc Heidlebrau, the head chef. I waved and they came over to our table.

"Harrie. Dannah. Good to see you. It’s been too long," Sassy leaned over and hugged each of us.

I was tuning into my body more. Even a hug made me wince.

"Have you met Marc?"

"I’m Harrie," she said, sticking our her hand. "We’ve all heard about you. Is Sassy interviewing you?"

"I am glad to move to Fondis and such a fine kitchen," he said in a slight accent I couldn’t place. "My pleasure to meet two beautiful friends of Sassy."

"Yes, I got the scoop of the week when I was assigned my interview with Marc." Sassy beamed. Sassy was back at the daily newspaper after a stint in New York. I wondered if she was really happy to be back and what the story behind all that was. We’d all been in a womyn’s group together but we took the summer off and hadn’t seemed to be able to get back on track. I wanted to be in the group again.

"Say, Harrie, Dannah, I talked to Vivian last night. She’s going to call everyone and get the group back together," Sassy said like she was reading my mind.

"Great," Harrie said.

I nodded.

"See you soon." Sassy followed Marc toward the lobby of the restaurant and Harrie and I turned to the bowls of hot soup being served.

"Take some more Arnica." Harrie reminded me.

H

Chapter IV

"Harrie, I’m worried about your house," I muttered as the three of us eased into Talia’s hot tub.

"Don’t worry, Dannah," Talia said. "I called my brother." Tucker Master was a sargeant on the local police force and read the report about how my house had been vandalized. "He’ll keep an eye out on the Coop and on Harrie’s place. Well, several men will be patrolling is what he said."

I relaxed into the hot water, letting my body begin to relax for the first time that day. I’d taken all the meds and remedies recommended but had been jumpy and kept looking for Zip out of the corner of my eye whenever I thought I might relax.

The hot tub sat in the middle of a tile court yard. Ferns and well tended plants softened the edges between the tile and the stone wall. A large statue of an angel stood in the center of a fountain, surrounded by a pond with koi.

"Doctor Masters, it is for you," Regina, Talia’s house assistant, came to the side of the hot tub with the cordless phone. Talia nodded, ascended the steps, her body bare and gleaming in the moonlight. She wrapped a plush velvet robe of purple around her body and took the phone.

"Oh, hi, honey. No. That’s okay. Harrie and Dannah are spending the night. We’re lounging in the hot tub right now. Where are you?"

Talia’s husband William Todd Robertson, CEO of some international corporate conglomerate, spent more time in airplanes than he ever did in Fondis. It seemed to suit Talia who was so busy with her practice that she said she didn’t notice. Regina tended to all the house details and her husband Leonardo, a martial arts expert and gardener, took care of everything else. The couple lived in the gate cottage, grateful for jobs in the states and made enough money to send back to family in Guatemala.

"William says ‘hi’," Talia said, shedding the robe and stepping back into the hot tub. "He’s in South Africa now and will fly to Japan tomorrow. He thinks he’ll be home for Thanksgiving. I hope you both will join us here. Actually I think you better stay here for a while, Dannah."

"You know I like the Coop. I think it will be okay. And besides, I’ll miss Half Moon. Not that I don’t appreciate the offer." I smiled. "What would I do without you two? Thanks for everything." The knot in my throat was much smaller now.

"Look. Orion," Harrie said, pointing. I leaned my head against the side of the tub and gazed at the diamond bright stars, at the constellations and thought my problems minimal.

H

Chapter V

"I could have stayed in the hot tub all night," I sighed as I stretched my feet out on a velvet ottoman and gazed through floor to ceiling windows at the twinkling lights of Fondis in the distance. Talia’s house, a glass and steel palace on the bluffs above town always felt like a treat.

"I know," Talia said from a chaise near the wood burning stove. "I just didn’t want you to be in hot water that long."

Harrie lounged on the sofa, leaning over to scratch Pooh’s ears. Pooh, a Rhodesian ridgeback, had been such a cute little bear puppy. Now he was a dog to be reckoned with and I felt safe with him here.

Regina moved silently across the plush teal carpet, carrying a tray with a teapot and three cups and saucers.

"Thank you, Regina," Talia said. "That will be all for tonight. Please thank Leonardo for hiring a friend to take the night shift." She smiled and squeezed Regina’s hand.

"You both really think he’s going to do something crazy?" I pushed myself out of the deep chair and sauntered over to warm my backside at the fire.

"Dannah, he is out of control," Harrie snapped.

"I’ve always thought he appeared to have bi-polar tendencies. I just don’t think we should take any chances. Don’t worry about it," Talia spoke quietly.

"Talia, do you have any cards?" Harrie asked suddenly.

Stretching to reach a small drawer in the lamp table, Talia pulled out a worn deck of tarot cards.

"You know I don’t put much faith in that airy fairy stuff," I hedged, thinking they wanted to convince me by some hocus pocus from a bunch of cards.

"Faith is not required, dear friend," Harrie said and grinned at me.

Talia handed her the deck., getting up to open another drawer set in the bookshelves. She snaked out a large square of purple silk and gracefully placed it on the floor. The tree of us sat in a triangle around the silk.

"William calls this my witchy room but he even comes in here for readings upon occasion." Talia laughed.

"After all, Dannah, this is Fondis. Did you see the story about the Fondis faeries in the National Inspirer?"

I shook my head. Most of the women in our group talked about all this new agey stuff but I really didn’t have time to indulge in that. I was busy keeping my head above water, paying the bills and painting. Lots of people said my paintings were very spiritual. I always say, whoever buys it can believe it is about whatever they want. Just pay me. Damn Zip. He must have taken my painting of the airplane. I’d hoped to show it to a lawyer who saw my work at the last Fondis Bank Art Festival. I’d seen that painting in a dream and told him about it. He wanted to see the finished product. I was hoping to pay next month’s rent with the proceeds.

Harrie poked me and I jumped. "Where did you wander off to? Oh. Sorry about the poke. You’re no fun. All bruised." She leaned over and quickly air kissed my shoulder.

Talia left the room and quickly returned with another ice pack. "This will help. We do have to remember to tend to you, Sweet Pea." She handed me the ice pack and crossed her feet, sinking gracefully into the lotus position.

"You don’t mind if I use your deck?" Harrie asked. Talia shook her head. Harrie shuffled, blew through the cards and cut the deck. Lifting the pile to the left, she laid out cards face down.

I squirmed. I couldn’t get comfortable on the floor. My aches and pains were more pronounced. Talia glanced at me and rose, walking to her bed to pull open a drawer beneath the flounce.

"Here, Dannah. Put this down body pillow under you and maybe that will help make you comfortable." I stood, sank to my knees and crawled up the soft surface to stretch on my belly. Maybe this would be more comfy.

"Okay. All settled? I’m going by impulse here. I’m going to lay out two lines of cards. One for you and one for Zip."

"I don’t even want to think about him," I protested.

"But he did get you in this mess, little one. Well, you cooperated in the beginning and he certainly had the last word. We need to get some perspective here. So, this card is you. This one, Zip. Under you is how you feel now. The same for how he feels. This is the action that will be taken." She set out two more cards. "And this is the final result."

I rolled onto my right side and noted that it seemed to be the only place that there were no bruises.

"This is you," Harrie said, turning over the card to reveal a blind folded woman holding two swords. "Wow. You can’t see where you’re going. You’re feeling unbalanced by the wait of the swords. Uncertainty abounds. You have difficult decisions to make yet you have the tools to make them."

"She’s feeling overwhelmed," Talia continued. "And she’s suppressing her feelings," she said looking directly at me. "You feel unable to make a move, any move."

"Well, why don’t I just take off the blind fold and use the swords?" I asked in a somewhat snotty tone.

"Exactly," they both said. That eased the tension and we all laughed. I hated it when they examined me and yet I knew they were trying to help.

"Now, let’s take a look at Zip." She flipped the card to reveal beggars in front of a church window.

Weird. I wondered what they’d say now.

"Zip is full of troubles. He’s out of money, doesn’t have a home, feels like he has to beg. He’s depressed," Harrie tone held her contempt for the man.

"It supports my sense of his imbalance. He’s out in the cold and thought to use you to save himself. The only person that can save him is himself," Talia said, peering at the card "I guess the most important thing I get from this is that he will only use you."

Harrie turned over the next card of a man leaning against a tree. He looked grumpy. There were cups nearby.

"He feels dissatisfied and bored. We already see that he has no money but he has no ambition. He doesn’t know how to focus and pull his life together. He’s in a rut and he resents it and everyone else."

"He’s very withdrawn, Dannah. You can’t help him. Do you know that?" Talia’s voice sounded far away.

"This is how you feel," Harrie captured my attention again. "The Nine of Wands. You are protected, surrounded by wands. You must stand your ground and know that you can create anything you want. But you must protect yourself. Be able to resist attack."

They still thought Zip was out to get me. They were making more out of this than I wanted. At least they hadn’t talked about making a police report regarding rape.

"Dannah, you’re drifting. We’ll put you on the bed and do some energy work in just a minute," Talia said. I think this is very beneficial. This card shows great inner strength and an ability to take care of yourself. You will have to rely on your own strength even though Harrie and I are here for you." Talia touched my hand and gave me a reassuring look.

They flipped some more cards and I heard their voices but couldn’t track the words. The pictures on the cards blurred and I closed my eyes.

I felt them both lift me, steadying me with their arms around my waist. "She’s exhausted," one of the whispered.

"Um hmm. Good. She’ll relax and get some sleep. Put her in the middle of the bed. I’ll work on her head." I sank into soft flannel sheets under down comforters.

"Yes. I’ll do energy work from her feet." I felt the weight shift on the bed as my best friends crawled around. I just wanted to forget everything and drift off to sleep.

H

Chapter VI

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God," I screamed as the swords flew through the air. I dove to the ground and huddled in a ball, hearing them slash and strike. Lightning bolts shattered the night. I knew I was going to die. Zip’s sword ripped through the airplane painting. I could hear fierce growling. I kicked and swung my arms to protect myself.

"Dannah, Dannah. It’s okay, honey. We’re right here. Wake up, Dannah." Harrie’s voice finally broke through the nightmare that sat on my head like a snarling beast.

The last thing I remember was a warm buzzing feeling with Talia and Harrie touching my head and feet. I must have fallen into a pit of swords in my dreams. I forced my eyes open to see Talia’s beautiful bedroom. She was stroking my hair and chanting softly.

My heart pounded fiercely. Drenched in sweat, I shivered. The red silk nightgown Talia had given me clung to my skin.

Pooh Dog paced across the closed bedroom door, growling.

"And you wanted to stay alone at the Coop tonight, silly girl," Harrie chided softly. "C’mon. Let’s take a walk. The three of us clambered out of Talia’s huge bed. Walking with arms around me, they guided me to the kitchen. Pooh followed, alert, the ridge along his spine at attention.

"Cocoa or chamomile tea?" Talia asked.

I wrinkled my nose.

"Oh, I remember, picky one. No chamomile."

By the time she served me a cup of hot cocoa, I was wide awake.

"I haven’t had a nightmare in years. Guess I am pretty freaked out. I’m sorry to get you up in the middle of the night." Tears leaked uninvited from the corners of my eyes.

"Most people in shock think they’re okay," Talia reported, giving me time to sniffle and wipe my nose with the tissue Harrie handed me.

"Silly me. I didn’t notice."

"That’s better. A little cryptic humor returns. Chocolate to the rescue," Harrie said.

"Here, Pooh puppy," Talia said taking a dog treat from a cookie jar. The dog ignored it, facing the back door.

"What’s up, Pooh? You want to go out and chase a squirrel?" Talia asked.

The chicken coop would fit in Talia’s kitchen times five. Or more. I glanced around at the stainless steel surfaces, the granite counters, the recessed lighting, hanging pots, and center island. I could paint up a storm in a corner here. But I’d leave the cooking to Regina.

As if on cue, Regina ran through the back door, eyes wide in her pretty brown face. "Doktora, doktora, esta Leonardo." There was blood on her pink nightgown, terror in her face.

We all jumped to our feet and ran toward the back door. Pooh barked.

"No," Regina said, pointing at me.

She probably meant it for the best but I’d be damned if I’d be left behind if Leonardo needed help. I couldn’t imagine what happened but six hands were better than four. I wasn’t going to stay in the kitchen.

Harrie grabbed my arm. "We’ll let them go first. But you stay with me."

"I’m fine, Harrie. C’mon. Leonardo needs help." I pulled away, running after Talia and Regina.

Harrie grabbed me again, harder and spun me around. "Stop, Dannah," she hissed. "This might be a set up. What if Zip is out there in a fowl mood just waiting for you?"

"But…" I didn’t have any follow up. I actually hadn’t even thought of that. Harrie guided me off the path and through the bushes until we could see the gatehouse. Talia was on her knees, examining someone, Leonardo, I assumed. I could hear her ordering an ambulance on her cell. I guess a doctor sleeps with one but I didn’t even know where mine was.

Clouds scudded across the moon and dark shadows sliced from the bright night lights at the gate. I shivered. I could hear Pooh barking.

The next half hour was a maze of activity with police, ambulances and an air life helicopter. Leonardo left in the ambulance, with Regina close at his side. His friend Virgil, the extra night guard was airlifted out—Talia in attendance. The cops took an impression of shoe prints, thinking they matched ones at the Coop. Zip really was crazy if he did this. Search parties fanned out from Talia’s palace in search of the vandal.

I shivered on the sidelines. It could have been me, or Talia or Harrie. A car pulled in and an officer stopped it. I could hear the harsh voice of authority questioning the driver. Who was visiting Talia in the middle of the night?

I watched a tall, masculine figure step out of the car, hands raised. There were too many lights and I just watched the silhouette being frisked.

"Dannah? Are you okay?"

I recognized the deep, resonate voice and ran forward, flinging myself into Loren’s arms, sobbing. Harrie was right behind me and the three of us hugged. He straightened his shoulders, looking around.

"They seem to have this handled. Let’s go inside," Loren said, all masculine.

"Not without a police escort," a voice said. "Sergeant Master said I was to stay with you. Deputy Scott. Marshall Scott." He shook Loren’s hand and pointed to the open gate that led through the back gardens to the kitchen. Pooh walked in stride with me.

"Loren. I’m so glad you’re here. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you about it this morning." I sniffled, shivering as potato chip sized flakes floated to the ground. I wondered if snow would make it easier or harder to track the culprit. Colder, at least. I still couldn’t believe Zip was behind all this.

Loren squeezed my hand.

"It wasn’t the right time. I’m here now."

H

Back in Talia’s bedroom, Harrie squatted to pull open the door to the wood burning stove. She crumpled newspapers into tight balls and layered them, adding kindling, not randomly but what seemed to be a specific pattern. I paced, still shivering.

"Come. Sit by me." He was all Lauren now, his voice soft and sweet, as he patted the place next to him on the sofa.

"How do you do that?" I asked as I plopped now next to him.

"Do what, honey?" He snuggled his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him.

"You know. Go from big strong guy to safe, soft woman?"

He squeezed my arm and I flinched.

"He hurt you." It wasn’t a question. "Sometimes, Dannah, it’s good to be a guy. If I ever see him, he won’t be thinking of me as a nightclub performer." His jaw hardened under my hand.

"I don’t want you to be hurt," I murmured, stroking his smooth skin. I went with him once when he had an electrolysis session and admired his willingness to walk in two worlds. It wasn’t easy.

"Remember—."

"I remember," I said, interrupting him. I’d gone to a zillion martial arts tournaments and watched him win.

The fire crackled and burned beautifully as Harrie closed and secured the door. "Hungry? Thirsty?" she asked, turning toward us. She’d pulled on a pair of jeans sometime since my nightmare but still wore the borrowed silk nightie.

I shook my head.

"Water. We all need water," Lauren said.

"Righto. I’ll be right back." Harrie pulled a soft fleece coverlet off the chaise and tucked it around me before leaving.

"Okay, Sweetie. Give me the capsule version. You can fill in the details later." Lauren stroked my arm gently this time and I told him what had occurred in the last twenty four hours.

Sergeant Scott opened the door. Harrie entered, carrying a tray with four glasses of water, a plate of sliced apples and chunks of cheese and a silver bowl of chocolates.

"The house is all secured," Sergeant Marshall Scott said. "I checked all the windows and doors and repaired the alarm system which had been disengaged outside." He strode to the drapery and opened them wide, inspecting the lock on the sliding door.

"Here, take this," Harrie instructed, opening a homeopathic vial and tapping a single pellet into the lid. I opened my mouth, curling my tongue back. "Aconite. For seeing the unacceptable. And shock."

"Sergeant, here, have some water," Lauren said, joining the officer as he stared out the window. "It’s good for you, especially when the adrenaline is pumping."

"Thanks. Please call me Marshall."

I stood, stretching, and walked to the table where Harrie had placed the tray. I reached for a chunk of cheese automatically before grabbing a piece of chocolate and laughed.

"What?" Harrie asked.

"Talia has me well trained. Cheese before chocolate. I never completely understand the protein ratio thing she talks about but I’m willing to do it." After the cheese, I bit into a dark chocolate truffle and sighed.

"Depends on your belief system," Harrie touted one of her pet phrases.

"And mine says chocolate is a food group," I countered. I think we’d had the conversation before. We both laughed. The men stood looking out at the snow covered panorama of Fondis down in the valley. Lauren, still in his soft feminine mode, pointed out various locations to the policeman who stood at attention, nodding. I gulped down my glass of water, thirstier than I thought.

"Sit on the chaise, and I’ll do your feet," Harrie instructed.

"Chocolate and a foot rub. My life must be blessed." I stretched out, pulling the blanket around my shoulders as Harrie settled to work the reflex points on my feet.

Lauren’s cell phone jangled out a tune from "Cabaret" and he flipped it open. "What’s up, Doc?" He sounded like Bugs Bunny. Marshall Scott laughed. I grinned. Harrie shook her head.

Lauren’s face was still as he listened, nodded and handed the phone to Harrie. Harrie, in stoic mode, gave no clues as to what she was hearing. I looked to Lauren to see if he’d tell me but he’d turned his back to the room and was whispering to the sergeant.

Harrie closed the phone quietly. "That was Talia. She’s still at the hospital. Leonardo is doing fine. Needed a few stitches. They’ll release him in the morning after observation. They had to give Regina a sedative."

"And Leonardo’s friend Virgil?"

"Critical condition. He’s in surgery now. Internal damage."

"What else? What aren’t you telling me?" I could tell from the expressions on everyone’s faces that something else was wrong. "What? They found Zip?"

"Yes, Dannah." She put a hand on my knee. "He must have headed straight down the hill after he left here. Stark naked, by the way. He ran across the first curve at the base of the bluff and collided with a truck." She stopped, patting my knee.

I stared, waiting, knowing, not accepting.

"Dannah, he didn’t make it. It was quick. He died immediately. He didn’t suffer."

"Stupid idiot," I screamed, jumping up. "Goddamn asshole idiot." I kept screaming, running across the room and turning. Finally the sergeant grabbed me and held me. Lauren came and put his arms around me.

"It’s okay, honey."

"It’s not okay. What about the driver of the truck? Was he hurt? I can’t believe Zip hurt so many people. Fucking jerk."

Lauren and Harrie exchanged a glance.

"What?" I screamed.

"The driver is fine," Lauren said.

"The Colonel is in the hospital."

I stopped, my hands covering my mouth as the realization settled into some kind of logic in my brain.

"The Colonel is…?" I said quietly.

"He was doing fine. They stitched up a gash on his arm and were going to send him home. Then he had a heart attack. He’s in surgery right now."

"We have to go. Now." I said.

"I’ll drive," Harrie said, following me down the hall to the coat closet.

"I’ll stay here with the sergeant in case Talia needs to know what’s happening here. She said she couldn’t get through on either of your cell phones," Lauren said. I turned to hug him and he kissed the top of my head. "Take care, little one."

"My cell is in the car," Harrie said.

"I don’t have a clue where mine is." I zipped up the down jacket that Harrie had borrowed from the coat closet. She flung her cloak around her shoulders, elegant even in an emergency.

"Call me if you need anything," Harrie shot over her shoulder as Lauren and the sergeant closed the back gate.

H

Chapter VIII

"Did you catch some vibes between Lauren and the cop?" I asked as Harrie headed down the steep, curving road.

"You betcha. I think Marshall Scott likes our boy. I’m not sure if it’s a good match but time will tell. How are you doing?"

"Fine." I wiped tears with the back of my hand. "I’m worried about the Colonel." I sniffed.

"Tissues in that compartment between our seats. He’s in the best cardiac unit in the state. He’s got a very strong constitution. I think he’ll be fine." Harrie braked as a deer leapt down the slope, almost crashing into our vehicle. He ran across the road, the headlights illuminating his grace, antlers collecting snow.

"Shit," Harrie hissed. "That was close."

"Close calls seem to be what’s up tonight," I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. "Good driving, Harrie."

"Helps to have a good car, too." Harrie could be surprisingly modest at times. "You know, I should have figured this out long ago. Zip could have used Hyoscyamus."

I was used to her random inserts of homeopathic jargon. I just wasn’t at all sure I was ready to talk about Zip. Maybe she needed to, though. "What do you mean?"

"Remember earlier today when Talia said he was bi-polar."

"Yeah. He’d never been diagnosed but he sure was moody, up and down and a little crazed in between. When I first knew him, it seemed exciting. I think he’s always been that way, just a little more whacked in the last few years," I said. "Jumpy, you know. Then he’d get that tick in his face and I could hardly look at him."

"Involuntary motor motions. One of the symptoms of Hyoscyamus.

Plus I’ve seen him pick at his clothes."

"Oh, God, yes. It made me crazy. There wasn’t any lint or cat fur or anything, and he’d be absently picking at his clothes. It was like he couldn’t stop. I complained about it once. It was one of the first times he hit me." I pressed my lips together, abhorring the memory.

"It’s called carphology, that absent picking of the clothing. It’s more common in older people but he had plenty of symptoms adding up. When you left him, we were all focused on you. I see more of his patterns now. At least you won’t have to worry about Zip showing up unexpectedly anymore," she said.

"Except in my mind," I lamented, knowing it would take a long time to be rid of him and the anger I felt.

"Honey, you’ll have to go back into counseling." Harrie reached across and held my chilled hand. I forgot to borrow gloves.

"I know."

H

"Hi, Betty," Harrie said as we rounded the nurse’s station by the critical care unit. Betty, the head night nurse, looked up and smiled.

"I’ve been expecting you two. You doin’ okay, Dannah?"

I nodded, pressed my lips toward a smile I didn’t feel.

"Dr. Master was just here. Colonel Klaus just came out of surgery. You won’t be able to see him for a while."

Again I nodded. I followed Harrie to the waiting area and sat on an uncomfortable plastic chair. I got up, paced the area and started walking down the darkened hall. And back again. First light shown through the hospital windows. I stopped, staring without seeing at the western end of Fondis, slowly coming to life after the night’s snow.

A street car glided out of the hospital station toward the Senior Metroplex which housed the elderly and people of all ages who were financially unable to put a roof over their heads. I lived there for a few months when Zip ruined our lives with his erratic behavior, bad gambling debts and scams. I liked the Metro. There were people from all walks of life. One section was set up to handle people from other states when there was a disaster. Nellie came here after the hurricanes hit the gulf coast. Now she’s in charge of the unit and runs it very efficiently. FEMA has tried to hire her several times but she stays put. Fondis saved her when FEMA wouldn’t and now she wants to help others in the same way.

Since then, I’d done a lot of things to make a living. Plus volunteering. I figured it I could give back to my community for helping me out, it would all turn around. In some ways it did. I was delivering Meals on Wheels when I met the Colonel. We took to each other right away. After a while, I’d deliver his meal last and stay and visit. That’s when he offered me the Coop. He said I reminded him of his daughter who died when she was twenty. So he became my surrogate father and I was his surrogate daughter.

"Dannah," Talia spoke softly, touching my elbow.

Abruptly I turned around. "Is he okay?"

"Yes. You can go in and see him now. He’s not conscious and won’t respond but you can see him. And talk to him. He’ll know you’re talking to him even when he can’t talk back."

I followed blindly down several corridors, twisting and turning and no longer knowing where I was.

"I’ll wait out here. Let me know if you need anything." Talia stepped aside and I pushed open the door.

Colonel Marcus Klaus was hooked up to tubes and monitors and looked like a paper cut out of himself. Pale and lifeless. His cheeks sank in, a few white strands of hair twisted astray. Even his ears seemed to sag.

"Colonel. It’s me. Dannah." I watched the rise and fall of his chest. I think he took a deeper breath when I talked to him.

"I’m so sorry this happened. I’m okay. He didn’t hurt me. Not any more. Did they tell you Zip is dead? So he can’t hurt you anymore." I paused. I think his lips moved.

"You’re going to be fine. You picked a good place to have that good ol’ ticker of yours checked. They say you’re as good as new. Maybe even better." Shit. I didn’t know what to say to him. But you might as well think you’re going to get better.

"I know you can’t talk to me right now. But I can talk for both of us. You know you changed my life. I really didn’t have much regard for men until I met you. You know my old man left my mom before I was four. I really don’t remember him." I leaned a hip unto the edge of the bed.

"Does that bother you?" I touched his long, bony fingers. "I don’t know why I even married Zip but it became apparent all too soon that he wasn’t the best thing for me. My counselor at Metro said he was toxic for me. Guess he was toxic for a bunch of people. Both Talia and Harrie say he was bi-polar. What did your generation call it? Manic depressive? Well, he was both."

His lips lifted ever so slightly.

"I saw that. You can hear me. I knew you could. I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You gave me a second chance when there wasn’t one." I slipped my hand under his, holding it.

"I’m sorry I let you down. I shouldn’t have ever let Zip in my house again. He played me for the fool I was. I’ll never forgive him for hurting you. I’m so sorry."

He squeezed my hand ever so slightly.

"See. You’re getting better by the minute. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a daddy that would read to me. I loved it when I delivered meals to you while Sari was back east taking care of her sister. You’d read Shakespeare to me and it made sense. Remember that big snow storm a couple of years back and you started reading Dicken’s "Oliver Twist" and then we all took parts, Sari Thompson, you and me. That was the best snowstorm ever."

The old man opened his watery blue eyes briefly. I leaned forward. "I remember," he whispered.

H

Harrie went home to feed her cats. Talia drove me by the Colonel’s place to check on Sari Thompson who seemed to have weathered the storm better than we all expected. Moonie seemed well fed and quite content. Talia insisted that I stay at the Palace for a few days. I was so tired, I didn’t care.

I crawled into her bed, still wearing a silk nightie, borrowed coat—and a pair of sweat pants I don’t remember putting on. Talia tucked me in and left to talk to Lauren and Sergeant whatshisname. I slept.

H

Some time later, Lauren nudged my shoulder. "Wake up, honey. Dinner’s ready. You’ve slept the day away."

I stirred. Every muscle in my body ached. I opened my eyes slowly and stared at him. "What?"

"Come have dinner with Talia and me and I’ll tell you good stories." He knew that would get my attention. I eased out of bed.

"They better be good."

I padded down the hall following Lauren to the formal dining room. The long polished table was set for three at one end. Talia sat in the queen’s seat. I eased into the chair on her left; Lauren took the one on the right.

"Formal?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Regina was so happy that Leonardo is fine that she had to cook something special. So, why not? I asked them to join us but she said it wasn’t proper. They’ll have their share in the kitchen. Leonardo said he was going to work on his katas starting tomorrow. He thinks he let me down. I told him he’d done his best. I called the hospital. Virgil will be fine. He needs a couple of weeks to fully recover. Then I’ll find him a permanent job. My insurance will cover his hospital expenses."

I nodded, and tasted the potato leek soup. "Delicious." I sighed.

"The sergeant finished his shift and another man took over," Lauren said. "They’re still going to keep a watch on the house for the next week in case Zip was in cahoots with somebody."

"Hey, weren’t you going to tell me a good story?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"Marshall, you know, the sergeant?"

"Um hmm. You got the hots for him?" I bit into a buttered biscuit.

"You’re no fun at all, Dannah. Was it that obvious."

"Um hmm," I said between bites. "Tell me all about it."

"He started it really. But can I resist a man in a uniform? Did you feel his biceps?"

"You did?"

"He stayed for a while after he got off duty." He smiled, or was it a smirk?

"So?"

"We have a date." He sat back, grinning and looked at his hands. "I need a new manicure. You know, I think he might be the one. Can you believe it? Me and a cop?"

All three of us laughed.

"What should I wear? Oh, I don’t have anything. Want to go shopping, Dannah?"

"Get a grip, Lauren. You know I hate to shop. Ask the fashion queen, here."

Talia shrugged a shoulder. "Lauren, you can check out my closet and save the hassle of shopping. I have more clothes than I’ll ever wear and we might find something lovely. You know William always buys me clothes. I think they will fit you. I have a whole section of evening wear."

Lauren’s eyes glowed. "Really? Oh, Talia, you are such a sweetheart. When? Tonight?"

"Of course. We’ll have dessert in my clothes room."

"To die for, eh? A clothes room." Lauren took a sip of white wine and smiled.

Regina entered carrying a platter of beef wellington, surrounded by baby red potatoes. Leonardo followed with vegetables.

"Leonardo, I’m so sorry," I began, not knowing what to say.

"Senorita, not to worry. I am good." He smiled and left the room.

I was full from the soup and picked at the main course, still tired, but enjoying Lauren’s excitement.

"Regina, please serve dessert in the clothes closet," Talia said.

Regina nodded with no facial expression of surprise.

H

Talia placed a velvet beanbag chair under the skylight for me and I sank into the lush soft burgundy fabric, thinking I might spend the night there. Stars shone through the window above. Lauren and Talia were walking up and down the aisles, with Talia commenting on colors that would compliment Lauren’s complexion.

Regina placed a very small round table next to me. The two other tables she sat at the end of the room. When she returned with homemade triple layered chocolate cake, I sighed.

"Gracias," I said.

My perfect meal. I slid the sterling silver fork into the cake and slowly took a bite. It melted in my mouth. I had the best friends ever. I blew Regina a kiss and she laughed, making a hand gesture that said, oh, it was nothing.

Lauren came swirling out in an elegant ocean blue dress that clung in all the right places.

"Of course, I don’t have my bra on. Or my wig. But isn’t this scrumpious? Talia, you are such a doll."

"Lauren, there is total balance here. I was wondering what to do with all these clothes. I want you to take ten of your favorites. Then you can decide which one you like best when you have your foundation complete." She smiled. "And I want you to keep them. You look perfect. The size is right. The dresses are just a bit shorter on you."

Lauren was too stunned to speak. Instead he wept and hugged Talia.

I yawned. Talia turned to me and I could see she was drooping. She hadn’t slept at all.

"I need to get some sleep," she admitted, catching my eye. "And I think you do too. I want to check you first."

"Thank you, Talia. I have to go home. Wait ‘til I show Harrie." Lauren giggled, swooping the ten dresses off the rack that he’d considered and headed for the door.

"Night night," I murmured, going back to Talia’s bedroom and collapsing back into bed. I don’t remember when she joined me. I didn’t waken until dawn smiled brightly through the window.

H

"Off to work. Call if you need anything. Love, Talia"

Rolling out of bed, I headed for the bathroom to relieve my bladder and find a toothbrush. I studied the oversized bathtub with jets and decided what I’d do after breakfast.

A new toothbrush and a special homeopathic toothpaste sat next to the sink with a note. "From Harrie."

I wandered around the bathroom, scrubbing my teeth. Fresh lavender towels set on the counter next to what looked like a small round hat box. The sticky note on it said my name. Nice to find surprises when you wake up in the morning. I opened it eagerly and found lotions, perfume, eye shadow and mascara, lipstick and foundation. Talia knew me well. I smiled, pulled a terry cloth robe from a hook and headed for the kitchen.

Another note from Talia told me that Regina had gone shopping. If I needed anything, Leonardo would be outside. A packet of vitamins.

Filling the teakettle, I turned on the burner and found a tea cup. I opened and closed cupboards, wondering what to eat. The kettle whistled and I plunked a Red Zinger tea bag in the cup and poured the water. Finally I sliced a grapefruit in half and cut along each section, then sat at the counter and ate both halves. Opening a jar of chocolate biscotti, I selected one and closed it. Tea dunk, bite. Delicious. Repeat until sated.

I wandered back to the bathroom and started hot water, pouring in a dollop of bath oil. Life was pretty good. Unless you started to think about the details. I wouldn’t. I slipped into the tub and let the foamy water rise around my aching body. I didn’t have a job and the painting I was hoping to sell was missing. Maybe even destroyed if my dream were accurate. Mostly they aren’t, so I’m trusting that the painting will show up, that I can find the number of the guy who was interested in it and make a sale. That would carry me through the end of the month.

My body was bruised and hurting. Zip was dead so he couldn’t hurt me any more. But he hurt Leonardo and Virgil and God knows who else. And he was dead. That’s what he deserved. Poor guy. He really had a nice side to him. I don’t know what made him so crazy. When I got out of the marriage I thought I was free from his madness.

I slid my head back to wet my hair and lathered in shampoo. I wonder if his ex girl friend knows he’s dead. I can’t even remember where she lived. Was it New Mexico? Or Montana? I know he said but I can’t remember. She’d probably want to know he was dead. He probably hurt her too. I know there was an old letter that he wrote somewhere on my desk. Rinsing my hair under the faucet, I reached with eyes closed for the conditioner. Maybe she loved him. She’d want to know.

I soaped my legs and shaved slowly, wondering what she was like. I had to find her address. What was her name? Pearl? No, but a gem. Diamond? No. Amethyst. That was it. The last name still eluded me.

I had to get down the hill and to my house and check on it. Check on the Colonel. Would there be a funeral for Zip? Did I care? Who would go? Wouldn’t that be terrible to die and have no one show up at your funeral. Maybe that happened to really old, old people, the last ones of their generation to die. I wasn’t going to be like that. I’d keep making younger friends. I suddenly didn’t know if I was making sense. Who cared about funerals anyway. If you were dead, you were dead. You’d probably be chatting with angels with any luck and not notice who was at your funeral. All those folks still hampered by a body.

"Get a grip, girl," I said to my reflection in the mirror as I dried with a big soft towel. I needed more than a grip. I took a slow assessment of myself. Face: looked less tired than yesterday. Body: I hadn’t really seen the overall picture. Finger bruises on my arms where he’d shaken me; a bruise along the side of my neck, what? From hitting the bed post? Black and blue marks on my hip bones, belly. Inner thigh bruises going yellow-green. Bastard. He didn’t deserve a funeral.

My dear Talia left a pile of new, clean clothes for me. Long sleeves, long pants. That’s what I wanted to cover my body. I pulled on a cheery red turtleneck and a pair of black cords. White socks. Birkenstocks. Red down jacket and knit cap. I was good to go—but no vehicle.

I went in search of Leonardo who was pruning a bush on the south side of the wall that surrounded the palace. He told me Regina had taken the pick up truck and would be gone for the morning. I thanked him and wandered back to the fountain. I really had to get home. I could walk. It wouldn’t take that long. After all, it was all down hill. I could cut across Deirdre’s place and get a drink of water. A half hour after that I’d be in town. I was already walking along the north side of the wall as I worked out my plan. I wasn’t really avoiding Leonardo. I’d be back before anyone else, anyway.

H

"Oh, my God, Deirdre, this is crazy," I squealed, clutching her waist as we rode her donkey down the steep trail. A horse is a graceful ride, a Zen kind of thing where I let my body flow with the movement of the equine. A donkey is a jolt, an abrupt impact of short legs against hard ground, reverberating up into the groin of the rider.

"Really, Deirdre, I have to walk," I groaned.

"Relax. You’ll get used to the rhythm. It’s nothing like a unicorn, of course, but a donkey is a reliable mode of transportation, world wide."

"You don’t understand. I’m hurting."

She pulled the reins and Edgar Rice Burro halted, leaning down to munch a tuft of grass. I leapt off, hitting the earth hard but accepting the mercy of solid ground.

"What’s wrong, Dannah?"

"It’s a long story. Do you think I can walk along side, or maybe behind Edgar? Will that slow you down too much?" I glanced back up the steep trail and knew it was useless to back track. Towering Ponderosa pines lined the ravine we were transversing. Yuccas spiked the edge of the rough trail.

"What is time but a manmade concept? Edgar needs the exercise. We’ll walk ahead and he’ll follow." She slid to the ground with the grace of a ballerina.

I met Deirdre a few years ago in the Womyn’s Group and we’d been almost friends since then. I didn’t see her often because she lived up here on a ledge of the bluff in a yurt and I lived in town. But we’d always felt a kinship. I told her my story.

"We can leave Edgar at the stables on the edge of town. He has a girl friend, Jenny Jennet, there." She grinned. "I’m coming with you."

"Okay. We’ll catch the midtown bus and then walk over to the Coop." I suddenly felt a great release. I was glad to have company. I hadn’t talked to anyone but Leonardo and that wasn’t much of a conversation.

H

"I’m a little frazzled. I could have called to see if the Colonel was home from the hospital but I left my cell phone charging at Talia’s. I want to go check on him if he’s home," I explained to Deirdre as I headed up the path from the Coop to the old Victorian house.

Sari Thompson met us at the door. "Oh, he’s fine, girls. Come in for cookies and milk. He’s out for a walk around the park. You’d never know he had a run in with that scoundrel of yours." She frowned, perhaps aware of her error. If not, I was not going to let that slip.

"He’s not mine."

"Well, he was. Once. Sorry, dearie. I didn’t mean anything by it. Now, have some fresh chocolate chip cookies." Sari set out two small Spode plates and settled still gooey chocolate chip cookies on each. She scurried around, poured milk and settled on a stool to watch us eat. We did.

"Where’s Moonie? I miss my kitty cat." I looked at his favorite spot on the ledge of the kitchen window.

"Gone for a walk with the Colonel," Sari said easily.

"What? He could get lost? Cats don’t go for walks like dogs." Well, Moonie would follow me anywhere if I let him.

"Well, you know the Colonel misses that little ol’ dog of his. Stopped walking completely. He needs more exercise, ya know. So, I says, why don’t you walk the cat? He scoffed at first and I forgot about it. Next thing I know, he’s got the cat on a leash and they’re off for a jaunt around the block. Cat happy as anything. Colonel comes in with rosebuds in his cheeks. More cookies, girls."

I shook my head, for several reasons.

H

"Wow. Your place is great," Deirdre said, settling on the stool in my kitchen area. I was pretty amazed. Harrie had cleaned up and put an order to the place that I’d never had. I didn’t recognize the place.

"I’ll make us a cuppa tea," I said opening the narrow cupboard where…Nope. My tea was no longer there. The cups weren’t in their place. I couldn’t find anything. "Okay. Let me think. How would Harrie put it together?" The spices were alphabetized. "I haven’t had milk and cookies since I was a Girl Scout. Tea will be good." I grinned.

Eventually I found what I needed and Deirdre sat on the sofa/bed, sipping her tea.

"Do you have any paintings here?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Please show me," she urged.

That was all the incentive I needed. I slid a stack of 8 x 10s from under a little table. "These are impressions, moments I capture quickly." There were many angel paintings in various colors, shapes, positions, that I’d created as prototypes for the big painting I’d just finished. I explained the absence of my airplane/angel painting and Deirdre lamented her loss with me.

"Here," I said pulling out two 24 x 36 paintings, "are a couple yet to be framed. I have a show coming up in December at the Faerie Arts Gallery. Do you know it?"

Deirdre giggled. "Yes. The faeries took me on an unexpected little jaunt there one day. The artwork is wonderful and the people who run it are quite special. I’m so glad you’ll be there."

"So, you really believe in that airy fairy stuff?"

"It’s not a matter of belief, Dannah. Just experience. It’s learning to tune in. When you’re not used to expecting something, you often don’t see it." She leaned back, crossing her legs and relaxing her eyes. "They’re here, you know. Lots of them. Oh, wait a minute. They have a message for you."

I was getting a little uneasy. It was one thing to show my paintings at the Faerie Arts Gallery. It was entirely a different proposition to have someone tell me there were faeries in my house. Jeez, it felt like it might be haunted.

"The faeries like you. They’ve been working with your guardian angels to cleanse the place." She paused, listening. "They’ve been with you a long time and would like you to acknowledge them. Your disbelief discourages them. Some of them have left already. There is a small group who have been with you for lifetimes." She sat up straight and opened her eyes wide. "Good. Spend some time with them, Dannah. More paintings?"

I nodded and eased a large painting from behind the sofa.

"Oh," she gasped, leaning forward and scrutinizing my work. "How? Where? What was your inspiration?"

"Oh. This one I dreamed." A mermaid sat on a ledge, deep on the ocean floor, a cave behind her. The colors were marine blues, the hue and shadow of the deep places I’d never been.

"It is so realistic," Deirdre said.

"Realistic? It’s a mermaid." I shrugged, but was glad she liked it. She couldn’t take her eyes off it. I’d have to remember to give her the prototype for her birthday.

H

"I’m looking for Zip’s girl friend’s number or address," I explained to Deirdre. "It’s on an envelope. He sent me a letter when he first started living with her. I think he wanted to make me jealous and take him back. It’s got to be here somewhere." Harrie had done a good job of cleaning up. "You look in the table," I said, showing her how the coffee table was really a chest. Opening it, I groaned. I used to know exactly where everything was. Now it was too orderly to find anything.

I went to the small desk that served as a bedside table and pulled out the drawer. A stack of paperwork. Good. Maybe it was here. I was certain I’d put it in the desk. When? Last year? Or before?

"Her name is Mattie," I said. The last name just wouldn’t come.

"Mattie Green?" Deirdre asked, holding up a letter.

"YES. Deirdre, you found it."

"The postmark is two years ago. I wonder if she still lives there?" She handed me the letter.

"I could go check it out on the internet at the library," I said. "Wanna come?"

"I would but while I’m in this neighborhood, I want to stop off to see Cecilia. Give me a call if you need any more delving." She laughed, took her tea cup to sink, rinsed it and waved as she left.

"Ciao," I called in return.

H

Chapter XII

I found the truck key in the silverware drawer. At least Harrie hadn’t moved that. I’d drive to the library and then head back up to the Palace. Obviously Half Moon cat cat was getting along fine without me for now. I was relieved that the Colonel was feeling so good. Silly old guy, walking my cat.

I threw some clothes in a backpack, found my miniature Winsor Newton watercolor box and a small pad of 180 pound paper, locked up the Coop and headed for my old pick up truck parked in the alley. It turned over like a charm and I drove slowly toward the tree-lined street, missing the leaves of autumn that had fallen in piles of gold.

I stopped at the small branch office of the Fondis Public Library, showed my card and signed in for a half hour on the computer. Search: Amethyst Green, Chimayo, New Mexico. Bingo. There she was. Deirdre had been right. Amethyst had a new address. I copied it and her phone number, signed out and headed back to the truck.

I drove randomly along streets on the west side of town, tidy houses with neat yards lined the streets. Finally out to the edge of town, I slowed at the stables to see if Edgar Rice Burro was still visiting his girl friend Jenny Jennet. I didn’t see him so turned right to take Panorama Drive, the paved road curving up into the bluffs toward the Palace. The engine began to loose power. I shifted, floor boarded the accelerator. No increased action. Damn. I wondered what was wrong. I’ve been doing my best to keep up this dear ol’ clunker. Double damn. I didn’t have my cell phone. I eased off on the narrow shoulder, sliced the wheels so it wouldn’t roll, and parked, turning off the key.

A sharp breeze edged under my collar as I stood on the roadside, wondering which way to go. It was a long way to the top: steep and winding. I’d best head back toward the stables and hope to find a phone there. I went to the passenger side of the truck and rummaged around in the glove compartment, finding a stocking cap and mittens. I started walking back toward Fondis.

I heard the car before I saw it and eased off pavement unto gravel. The Mercedes exceeded the speed limit. The brakes squealed as it came to a stop.

"Dannah Davidson, whatever are you doing here?" Talia asked.

I laughed. I was so glad to see her, I just giggled.

She shook her head. "Stress. Get in."

I did, pointing out my stranded vehicle around the next curve. "Can I borrow your cell phone? I forgot mine at your place. It’s still charging."

"That’s why you didn’t answer. Did you ever consider that someone might be worried about you?"

I looked at her in blank astonishment. "Of course not. Why?"

She sighed.

"Oh. You were worried about me?"

"Yes. I was. I’m glad you’re okay. My cell’s in my bag there on the floor by your feet. Call my towing service. Or do you have one?"

I knew she was just being polite then. No. I did not have a towing service. Or many other amenities. But I managed. And I sure got a lot of help from my friends.

"Talia. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. No, I don’t know who to call." She gave me the number and they promised to pick it up in ninety minutes. Talia reached for the phone before I hung up.

"This is Dr. Master. Please call me as soon as you’ve diagnosed the problem. The keys are…" She glanced at me.

"In the ignition. Nobody’s going to steal it." I shrugged. She repeated the information and gave her cell number.

Talia continued to talk as I stared out the window, thinking I must be a pain in the ass for a friend. She hung up and slipped the phone back in her bag.

"Thanks, Talia. I don’t know what could be wrong with it. I thought it would be nice to have my own vehicle at the Palace if I was going to stay with you for a few more days."

"We’ll find out. Have you thought about getting another vehicle?"

"With what? My good looks?"

"Dannah, you’re limiting your options. Who knows? You have to be open to change. Discarding your old vehicle could be like discarding the old part of your life that wasn’t serving you."

"I didn’t have much choice about that."

She didn’t say anything.

"We’ll see how much choice I have about this."

H

"I want Dr. Bannock to see you," Talia said.

The name rang a bell but I couldn’t place her.

"That’s one of the reasons I was trying to reach you this morning. You know her. I think you met her at the Womyn’s Group picnic last June. Ramona Bannock. Tall, well endowed black woman. She does the best cranial sacral therapy of anyone I know."

I nodded. "Yes. I do remember her. She works at the Community Hospital. After talking to her I volunteered over there for the summer, teaching art classes in the rehab wing. Of course. But what’s wrong with my cranium?"

"I’m not sure anything is wrong. You had a severe blow to the side of your head and neck from the contusions I can see. Ramona will put her hands on you and feel the rhythms and adjust them. Sometimes when we can’t define anything else that is wrong, it is a subtle thing like the cranial sacral rhythm."

"Okay. Do I call her to schedule an appointment?"

"Actually, she said she was willing to come here. I invited her for dinner tonight. She’ll do your session here."

"How much will I owe her?"

"I’ve taken care of the compensation. Maybe you can give her a small painting if you’re so inclined."

"Yes. I know just the one." It was one of the first angel paintings I’d worked on, a beaming angel in the jungle with animals blending into the foliage.

H

Regina served fresh baked bread, blackened salmon and steamed broccoli in the formal dining room as Talia, Dr. Bannock and I talked.

"There are many body systems. As medical doctors we are trained to certain expectations of healing," she said. "Bottom line, no matter what path you choose and trust, your body heals itself. We are facilitators. Not magicians. Cranial sacral therapy focuses on the cerebrospinal fluid produced and absorbed by your body in a regular, rhythmical pattern."

I nodded, not really understanding it all but believing that plenty went on in the body that most of use were unaware of experiencing consciously.

She sipped from a crystal glass filled with organic grape juice. Regina served tossed green salad.

"Inside your cranium is a membrane called dura mater that adheres to the bone. Beneath that before the next layer of membrane is cerebrospinal fluid."

I swallowed. "I’m afraid you’ve lost me there. I can visualize my brain and the layers, sort of but…"

"Don’t worry. I just give the overall view and then the rest of the session will just be experiential. I want you to feel intellectually as well as physically comfortable."

"I appreciate that. Lots of docs don’t take time to let you know what’s going to happen and then I do tend to freak out." I smiled.

"The spine is the same way. There is the bone of the vertabra, a layer of membrane within the vertebra and cerebrospinal fluid before the next membrane. Same pattern. The spine and the cranium, working in conjunction with each other exhibit a basis function. A total of three layers of membrane lay between bone and the brain or spinal cord. That’s where the imbalance can occur."

"Wow." I took a bite of salmon and chewed, pondering.

"Enough doctor talk. We’ll use Talia’s healing room after dinner. If you have any questions, you can ask them. Don’t think about all those details, just let your body experience what’s happening."

H

I stretched out on Talia’s massage table, a foam roll under my knees and a soft cotton blanket over my body. Dr. Bannock circled the table, mumbling phrases I couldn’t catch, and making hand gestures. I began to relax. Soft harp music played in the background. Candles burned on tables in the four corners.

"You’ve had problems, honey," her deep voice washed over me.

"To put it mildly," I agreed.

"Your aura is ripped in several places and you’re leaking energy. I’ll be working on that first. Then we’ll check your cranial sacral."

I closed my eyes. She sounded like Talia and Harrie, and even Deirdre. Mumbo jumbo, airy fairy stuff. I could hear the swish of her dress as she moved, the wave of her hands over my body as I drifted off into a gentle place.

"It may be difficult to talk about what happened, but it will help. As emotion and body memory flares, I’m going to be using various forms of healing energy. We can clear much of the trauma today. Tell me your story, what bothers you, what you were or are afraid of and what pains your body has." Her mellifluous voice prompted me back into my body. Dr. Bannock’s hands held my head, moving imperceptibly as I talked.

I told her everything, my body jerking and twitching at times with memory and what she explained as release. A deep inner peace descended as I finished my story and began to see insubstantial images. I wanted my sketch book or a sheet of paper or a canvas. I told her what I saw and that I was afraid I’d lose the impressions.

"You will remember. You are no longer cluttered with debris that clogs the memory. Know that you will paint what you see precisely."

I nodded, falling into a space filled with angels and light and pastel colors and finally a deep sleep.

H

I slept deeply, immersed in dreams that extended from my session with Dr. Ramona Bannock. I didn’t even remember climbing into Talia’s bed.

I awoke slowly, taking stock of my body which felt remarkably better. I tried to remember when I’d had a greater sense of well being. Talia was gone but there was no note. Was she trying to show me how it felt when someone didn’t communicate? I really blew it yesterday. I’m not used to being responsible to anyone else but myself. And Half Moon. I’d have to call the Colonel today and talk to him about that scalawag cat.

I slipped into the robe I’d left on the back of a Victorian chair and sauntered down the hall toward the kitchen where I heard voices and music.

"Good Morning, Sweet Pea," Talia called.

I yawned. "I thought you were at work. Good Morning."

"Saturday. You’ve lost track of time." I certainly had.

Harrie and Lauren sat at the round oak table sipping coffee. I smiled and pulled out a chair to join them. Talia ran a hand through her hair and perched on the arm of a chair.

"Guess what today is?"

"Saturday?" Maybe it was a trick question.

"Yes, and it’s Halloween," Harrie said before I could respond further.

"Wow. Cool. Guess I’ll be a sleepy head."

Lauren reached over and soothed a hand across my rumpled head. "Let me do you, honey. I bet you’d like to be a cat, huh?"

"That would be cool but…"

"No buts. You probably don’t remember that I worked on the crew doing makeup when the Broadway touring show of "Cats" played at the Fondis Lyceum."

"I think I did know that but I’d forgotten. You could do my face like that?"

"Of course. Now how about everybody else?" He looked around the circle.

"What’s happening? Are we going to a party?" I was still sleepy and must have missed something.

"Sorry, Dannah," Harrie said, patting my hand.

"Impromptu," Talia said. "We just came up with the idea to have a wee Samhain party here with the four of us. I think I’ll be a witch." She lifted her eye brows and grinned.

"No fair. You were a witch last year. I want to be a witch," Harrie said.

"There were three witches in Macbeth. I can make you all witches if you want," Lauren said.

"Sorry," Harrie said. "Guess I was being a little petty. Want to be a witch, Dannah?"

"I’m rather set on the cat. I could wear black tights and a leotard and it would be an easy costume."

"It’s not about easy, little one. You all come over to my place and we’ll go through the costume room. I have plenty of options for us all."

"Then we come back here. I’ll tell Regina to think up something Halloweeny," Talia said.

H

We decided on a Celtic theme. Lauren did have everything imaginable to create costumes. He we a Selkie, a resplendent woman with wisps of seaweed hanging from his long black wig.

Harrie was the Green Lady, a tree spirit, clad in a green leotard with layers of leaves, oak and elm, holly and yew. Her face was exquisitely painted green, with leaf patterns overlapping. I thought she’d be invisible if she were in the forest.

Talia was the White Lady, her black hair tucked in a wig cap and a flowing silvery white wig draping over her shoulders. The diaphanous pale white gown flowed about her graceful figure.

I was loathe to give up the idea of being a cat so I became the Cat Faerie, my face made up like a wonderful feline, my hair secured under a cap with cat ears. I did wear a black leotard and tights with a short voile skirt in a leopard pattern, trimmed with a fur edging.

"Meeoow," I growled and we all laughed.

We all drove back to the Palace in Talia’s SUV, the one her husband drove when he picked up business associates. I doubt if any of them ever giggled like this group did.

Luminaries lined the path to the front door, which was lit by only a glowing skull. Inside candles lined the floor creating a path to the dining room, darkened with the exception of flickering tapers. Regina and Leonardo had been busy. It would have been spooky if I didn’t know where I was.

Regina and Leonard were dressed in Day of the Dead costumes, skeletons who appeared in the darkness, serving us an array of fabulous food.

"Day of the Dead is called "el Dia de los Muertos," Talia explained. "It is actually not Halloween but we combine lots of traditions here. The souls of dearly departed loved one return to the world of the living on November first." She stopped, suddenly glancing at me uneasily.

"Talia, don’t worry. Zip is dead but he’s not exactly a dearly departed loved one. If his spirit shows up tonight, I’ll just hiss." The tension eased with laughter.

"It is an ancient tradition dating back to the Aztecs and overlapping with beliefs from the Conquistadors." As if one cue, Regina’s sketetal form appeared, serving a special kind of bread.

"Calaver, the skull on the cookies, or the skeleton, is a symbol for the Day of the Dead. It is not considered fearful but instead playful. Regina is known for the best pan de muerto," Talia said, smiling as Regina served the sweet bread of the dead.

Lauren opened a bottle of champagne and poured for everyone but Talia thought I’d best not have any with the meds I was still taking. I was having such a good time, I didn’t mind.

By midnight we noticed snow had been falling for sometime. Eight inches muted the landscape around the house. Harrie and Lauren decided to spend the night and we lounged on sleeping bags in front of the living room fireplace, telling ghost stories until we all dropped into dreamland.

H

Kitty cat make up doesn’t look so good the morning after. Lauren stood next to me in the bathroom, giving me instructions about proper removal of stage makeup.

"Pour about a tablespoon of olive oil in your palm." I copied what he did, trying not to look at the cracked and smeared streaks on my face.

"Rub it in good, all around."

I leaned forward, cupping my hands to my face and slathered the olive oil about. Glancing up, I laughed. Black and white and yellow were now formed into a strange mishmash of shapes, all resemblance to a feline gone.

"Don’t worry. Wash cloth under hot water. Ta dah. Instant removal." He wiped the steaming cloth over his cheek and he was right. I followed suit and my face soon was shiny clean. My hair was another thing, snarled and sticking out in wild curls. I walked back to Talia’s bathroom and took a long hot shower.

After breakfast the four of us bundled in warm clothes and made a huge snowman near the fountain. The snow stopped and a weak sun tried to make a snowman shadow.

Leonardo entered the court yard from the back with a welcome announcement. "The drive way, she is clear," he said and smiled, a gold tooth gleaming.

"Ready to hit the road, Harrie," Loren asked. She nodded and they went to gather up costume remains. I followed.

"Can I catch a ride down the hill? I’d like to check on Half Moon and make sure my place is okay. I don’t know what’s going on with my truck."

"Dannah, I’m sorry. The mechanic called yesterday to say the transmission was out," Talia said.

"Shit. That sounds expensive." I flopped on the sofa and stared at the floor trying to figure out what to do.

"It is. You’ll have to decide if you want to keep that old truck or not," she said.

"I’ve been keeping it up—spending money on it all year so it was dependable. If I start over, I’ll just have someone else’s problem vehicle and then what?" I shook my head and glowered.

"You could go to the auction. I bought a car there once and it lasted three years," Loren said.

"Yeah, and I bought a car there once and it didn’t last a week," Harrie said, supporting my fears.

"You don’t have to decide anything today," Talia reminded me. "Go home with Loren and I’ll come by and pick you up this afternoon. I have to do some shopping. But before you all leave, this is a formal invitation to everyone for Thanksgiving. William will be home and I’m going to do a full blown old fashioned Thanksgiving. I’ve ordered an organically fed, free range turkey already."

H

"Daann-nah," Nirvana shouted as she blew into the China Bistro with a blast of cold air. Talia and I were just finishing the best hot and sour soup on the planet. Nirvana, a fellow artist, is also a Master Gardener and helped me design and plant the small area that’s fenced off and used to be the chicken run at the Coop. I don’t see her often but we always have fun.

"Nirvana, I haven’t seen you for ages. Do you know…" I hesitated briefly as I often do, not knowing whether to introduce Dr. Master or Talia. "Talia?"

"No. Hi." Nirvana pulled a woolen glove off and reached out her hand, her smile big as ever. "Actually I think I’ve heard of you though. Didn’t you have a tapestry in the Fondis Fabulous Fiber Arts Show?"

"Yes. Would you like to join us?"

I didn’t know about that. I knew Talia was a weaver but we never connected on that level and I guess I wasn’t paying attention.

"Great," Nirvana enthused as she slid in next to me. "I can’t stay. I have a take out order that should be up soon. But guess what?" She turned to me, "I was accepted into the same show you’re in."

"Fabulous, Nirvana. What did you enter?"

"A glass sculpture called ‘The Goddess at Dawn.’ I welded her form and then used a myriad array of crackling glass, re-annealed it, and attached a mosaic of pieces with wires. When you stand far away, you can see the sun rising through her heart." Nirvana grinned.

Beethoven’s Fifth warbled out in that cell phone way and Talia reached into her purse and answered it.

"I think my order is ready. See you when we set up. It will be great fun, Dannah. Glad I got to meet Talia. I’d like to talk about color with her sometime. Fibers are different than glass but the fusion of color…" Her voice trailed off. "Wish we still had the Art Group. It inspired me beyond my normal expectation of expression."

"Me too. Maybe we can get it going again after the show."

"And Dannah, I don’t know how to say this." She reached over and pecked my cheek. "I’m sorry about Zip."

I nodded.

We hugged and she hurried through the tables to pick up her order at the counter.

A petite oriental girl served Talia Kung Pao Chicken and me Moo Goo Gai Pan. I slipped the chop sticks out of the paper wrap and rubbed them together, removing splinters.

Talia snapped her cell shut. "Good news, Dannah. That was my brother. You can borrow his extra car if we take him a gallon of Rocky Road." She laughed.

"Wow. Great. I still have to talk to the mechanic and see how much it will cost to fix the old truck."

"At least in the meantime, you can have wheels. I thought about lending you the William’s Porche but it is not very practical in the winter on our roads. Anyway, we can stop at the Midtown Market and pick up the requested ice cream. Guess we’ll have dessert at Samuel’s place."

H

Chapter XVI

"Talia, you’re spoiling me," I said, drying off after lounging in the hot tub. I loved her house, her bedroom, her willingness to be my friend.

"Chinese food, ice cream with your bro, and the hot tub. Plus borrowing his Subaru which drives really well. Thanks for everything."

"I know you’d do the same for me, little one. How are you doing? Really?" She sank into the big chair in her bedroom and suddenly looked clinical.

"Fine. I think."

"I wondered if you would like to sleep in the guest room tonight?
"You are psychic, you know. I was wondering about that. I really want to go back home but then I get uneasy when I think about it. You’re right. Staying here in the next room would be a way of weaning myself."

"A transition. If it doesn’t work, don’t hesitate to come in here. I’ll leave the door open. Regina made up the bed in there. Stay here as long as you want. At least until after your first counseling session. I know you want to go home but I want you to be sure and feel safe."

"That is such a vague place for me right now. Safe. It wasn’t even safe here for Leonardo and Virgil. I keep thinking about Zip. I feel jumpy, sometimes. Like he’s going to be coming around the corner."

"I think that’s natural. It will take a while. Come, let’s get you settled in your own room. You’ll have your own bathroom. I’ll help move your things." She smiled, no longer the doc, just my friend.

H

The décor of the guest room next to Talia’s (one of six) was green. I’d never seen all the rooms in the Palace. One wall covered in a semi shine green striped wallpaper was filled with paintings of forest faeries. The drapes at the window, a rich velvet of forest green that matched the bedspread on the double bed where I flung my clothes.

"All set?" Talia called from the adjoining bathroom where she set my toiletries.

"I think this will be fine." I turned slowly, feeling the comfort of the room.

"The television is here," she said, sliding open a panel on the bookcase. "Are you good for reading material?"

"Actually I would like to fall into a good historical romance and forget about the present." Television would probably activate my fears.

"Oh, I just finished one by Hannah Oakley that I think you’ll like. Let me get it for you. Then I’m ready to turn in."

I turned on the light on the nightstand, slipped into my nightie, dowsed the rest of the lights in the room and settled in to read about Cornelia Carmichael in 1780 England.

"Nirvana, I’m so glad you called. And that you’re here at the Coop with me." I smiled at her as we wandered the flower beds.

"We need to mulch the roses for winter. You can collect the marigold seeds now or let them drop of their own accord. Same with the hollyhocks." She scrunched up her shoulders and dropped them. "Alyssum. All your annuals."

"Even petunias?"

"I’ve even had them re-seed but it’s easier to buy sets in the spring."

"I like to do it the natural way. Wouldn’t it be more natural to just let the seeds fall to the ground?"

"The problem with the natural way, that is, scattering them or letting them fall with the whims of the winds, is that the birds eat the seeds. So, if we’re going to scatter them, let’s cover them up with some top soil."

I nodded as she bent to snip a flower head with her fingers. We’d planned a short gardening session and then were going to meet Harrie and go to Fondis Rock Shop on the southwest of town.

I dropped a kneeling pad on the path and sank to my knees. Pulling a weed and then another, I made a clean area before I plucked a marigold head, broke it apart and scattered the seeds. I walked back toward the Coop where I stored bins of compost and top soil, filled the old wheelbarrow and pushed it down the garden path.

"I’ll just leave this between us so we both can access the soil."

We worked quietly for some time. Birds chirped and settled at the bird feeder that I’d just filled. Poor little winged ones must have missed my daily feedings. I’d have to fill the bird bath before we left. The garden was peaceful and I knew someplace deep in my heart that it would be okay to spend the night here. I wondered if Half Moon would be willing to join me tonight. Spoiled kitty.

"I’m getting an idea just being in your garden, Dannah," Nirvana said. "What if I made a sculpted and glass scare crow? I can see it in my mind. Would you be willing to let me experiment and put it here. It will probably not be ready until late spring."

"You know I love your work. That would be great. What happens if the glass freezes? Would it break?"

"Not if I do it right. After all, your windows don’t break from the cold. I’m working on some new techniques. This will be a good opportunity to test out the environmental possibilities. After all, I can’t do it where I live."

I nodded. Nirvana lived in her studio loft with her sometimes boyfriend Ranchero. He went up to herd cattle in Montana last summer and I haven’t seen him around since then. He usually comes around in the winter months and sings at one of the local pubs for cash. Sometimes he does storytelling in the schools.

"What time are we going to meet Harrie?" I wasn’t wearing a watch.

"I forgot to tell you. She’s going to swing by here and pick us up."

We continued cleaning up the garden beds silently, each lost in our own worlds. Clouds drifted across the November sun, reminding me to get a heavier wrap before we left. The morning weather report promised rain this afternoon.

H

"Sorry, I’m late, girls," Harrie said as we climbed into her SUV.

"No problem," Nirvana said. "We finished our chores and had time to scrub up."

Harrie looked fabulous in a tailored suit and boots. I wore my old jeans and a sweat shirt with down vest thrown on knowing the temperature would cool. Nirvana, always dependable for the unusual, wore her garden clothes, faded denim bib tops with a flowing mirror cloth blouse underneath. A Moroccan camel hair cape wrapped around her shoulders.

"I’m famished. Let’s get lunch. My treat," Harrie said.

"What’s up with you? You’re grinning like the Cheshire cat, Harrie," I said.

"I can never keep a secret from you. I have a date tonight." She pulled into Ye Ol’ Tea Shoppe. "Is this okay with you? They have great sandwiches."

"Beggars can’t be choosers. Looks good to me," I quipped, turning my head to see what Nirvana thought in the back seat. She smiled and nodded to Harrie’s image in the rear view mirror.

Harried ordered a club sandwich; I opted for a tuna melt and Nirvana asked for a veggie burger. We sat in a high backed booth. I scooted against the wall so I could see Harrie better.

"Okay. Tell all," I commanded.

"I had a meeting and ran into the bank to make a deposit. Tad Duncan was coming in as I went out. You know him? The new VP. Well, we sort of floundered at the door, him coming, me going, in that round about. Somehow we both managed to be in a cubicle at the same time and we went a full circle before we both got out on the sidewalk, laughing." Harrie gesticulated with her hands, her long fingers graceful.

Nirvana and I were laughing at the image of it.

"And you have a date with him?"

"No. Another man came up just as we introduced ourselves and I was introduced to him by Tad Duncan. He’s a mortgage broker from Seattle named Johnathan Jacobs. Tad almost directly asked me to show him around Fondis tonight. How could I refuse?"

"I’m not sure which one you’re more excited about. Sounds like you and Tad had a great moment together," I said.

"And is he handsome or what? I probably would prefer to have a date with him but it seemed like I was doing him a favor. Johnathan will only be here overnight. He flies out of Fondis International at 6 am. He seemed pleasant enough. It will be a change. I’m planning on having a good time." She flashed a broad smile.

Fondis Rock Shop had undergone many changes since the last time I was up here. Fondis Lapidary, as it was now called, was no longer a converted mining shaft made into a shop. The front of the building was flat with many windows looking out unto the slabs neatly set in a patio area decked with tables and chairs around a fountain.

We parked and walked along a gravel path to the double doors welcoming guests.

"Oh, look," said Nirvana as she immersed her hands in a deep wooden trough filled with polished stones.

"Nirvana, this is only the beginning," Harrie laughed. "Wait ‘til you see how they’ve remodeled."

The building fanned out in a semi circle, the doorways gradually increasing to a larger room space. I followed Harrie into the third room, dimly lit with spotlights accenting glass cases with jewelry exquisitely displayed.

"Dannah, don’t you just love this room? Oh, look at that citrine necklace." Harrie hurried to a case displaying a necklace, earrings and bracelet. He boot heels were silent on the thick carpeting.

I shrugged. "I think I’ll just mosey around a bit, Harrie."

"Um hmm. Oh. Meet me in the center garden area when you’re done.

I wondered from room to room, but little caught my attention. I slipped out a side door and sauntered along the boardwalk curving around the building, gazing at large slabs of rock, interesting designs and formations. I stopped and gazed in awe at huge chunks of rose quartz. Now a piece of that would look perfect in the center of my garden.

"Kinda chilly out here, huh, young lady?" The old man’s voice was reedy but kind.

"Hi. Yeah. How about you? Aren’t you cold?"

"Warm blooded." He chuckled.

"Do you work here?"

"Yup. Used to own the place. Sold it to my niece a few years back. she’s done a bang up job fixin’ it up, eh?"

"It is amazing. You know, I think I remember you. I haven’t been here for a long time. Do you know how much the rose quartz is?" I pointed at a chunk of rock I knew I couldn’t lift.

"Two bucks a pound. Can really add up, that. I can probably get ya a discount though. You like that piece, eh? I’ll be back around. You go back inside if you get too cold, hear?"

Nice old guy. He reminded me of the Colonel. I was going to visit the Colonel when I got back and see how Half Moon was doing and if that silly cat wanted to come back home after all that spoiling.

Shivering, I headed back inside, wondering how much the rose quartz weighed and if I could cover it. When I checked my mail box this morning I had a pleasant surprise. There was a check from the Blue Moon Gallery for $250.00 for a painting I forgot was hanging over there. I should have a better system of keeping track. I always start off the year very organized, set up a system in Excel—and then forget to keep it up. If I bought that chunk of stone, would I have enough for gas and food?

I settled in an overstuffed chair near the wood burning stove and stared into the flames, rubbing my hands absently as the chill subsided. I’d probably seen a thousand rocks and stones since we arrived. I wondered what called me to that particular piece. Especially because it was one of fifteen or so.

Glancing out the window, I saw Harrie talking to the old man. She must be freezing without a coat. I turned as someone walked in the room. A bent old woman shuffled toward me, a grin in her peach pit face.

"Cuppa tea, girlie?"

"Thank you. Where do I get it?"

"Don’t you worrit. I’ll be bringin’ it to you. Just keep yoursilf still and I’ll be back right in a minute." Even hobbling, she moved rapidly.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. My life was going on. Zip’s wasn’t. I was pretty happy not to have to worry about him. Pretty guilty that I felt that way. Very happy I had the friends I did. I was looking forward to being at the Coop tonight. It would be a test but I knew I’d be just fine.

Jeez, I’d forgotten about Amethyst. Being here amidst all these stones, her namesake included, reminded me. That and thoughts of Zip. Tomorrow. I’ll call her tomorrow.

The wafting aroma of cinnamon and ginger triggered my nostrils and I opened my eyes in curiosity as the old woman set a tray on the table next to me. A fine bone china teapot sat next to a matching cup and saucer. The violet and rose pattern was repeated on the creamer and sugar bowl.

"Thank you." I struggled to sit up straight.

"Ye be welcome." She reached out and held one of my cold hands with toasty old fingers. "I’ll just warm ye up a bit while the tea steeps."

"I’m Dannah. Who are you?"

"Just an old one," she said as her warmth spread into my finger tips, up to my palm and into my arms. It was a radiant heat, more than just heat, rather like the energy work that Dr. Bannock did.

Her accent was so unusual. "Where are you from? Originally?"

She chuckled. "The stars as we all are. But no, you mean when I was a babe. I came from the old country, lassie. Been here a long time. Remember back when Fondis was nothin’ but a memory."

She was working on my other hand now. I was feeling warm and vibrant all over. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about and felt she didn’t want me to know anything specific.

"There be your friend. She’ll be wantin’ tea. You enjoy yoursilf, now." She was gone before I could thank her.

Harrie sank gracefully into the chair next to me, rubbing her hands on her arms. "It’s freezing out there."

I nodded. "Did you see all that wonderful rock garden out there?"

"All the pieces too big to bring inside. It’s beautifully arranged. I think we both fell in love with the rose quartz."

"Oh, Harrie. There is one piece out there—what can I say? It’s like it spoke to me."

"Ah, my little unbeliever, you’ll be joining us any time now." She laughed and I joined her.

"I’m sounding like the company I keep."

The old woman served the cinnamon/ginger tea to Harrie and took a hand in hers to warm it.

"Ah, I see Nanny is taking care of you all," a pleasant voice sounded from the doorway. "I’m Silver McCrae. You must be Nirvana’s friends."

"Yes," Harrie and I answered as Silver stepped aside and put her arm around Nirvana.

"Can you believe it, Dannah? Silver and I went to junior high together." Arm in arm they came to the center of the room.

"I moved away and we haven’t seen each other for years. I’m not surprised she’s an artist. She always liked to play in the dirt and draw pictures in the sand."

"And Silver always collected rocks." They hugged each other, Silver, tall and willowy with silvery hair like her name and Nirvana, short like me and bubbly.

"Look what I purchased," Harrie said, opening a bag and pulling out a box with a beautiful lapis lazuli necklace, bracelet and earrings. "Something to wear tonight." She grinned.

"And I realize how remiss I’ve been. I missed both your birthdays. Dannah, I’m going to purchase a particular chunk of rose quartz if that is what you still want and Nirvana, you have to tell me what caught your eye?"

My mouth dropped. For once I was without words. Finally, "Harrie, you can’t do that."

"I can and I will. Thank you very much. Now, Nirvana?"

"Harrie, I don’t know what to say."

"I know what Nirvana loved," Silver piped up and smiled sweetly at her long lost friend. "C’mon Harrie. There’s a beautiful moonstone ring she kept trying on even though she didn’t say a word." Silver smirked at Nirvana and Harrie followed her out of the room.

H

I took a bite of warm apple pie, ice cream dripping down the sides as Sari Thompson filled a glass of milk for me. Half Moon sat smugly on top of the refrigerator cleaning his face.

"I wanted you to know I moved back home today," I said.

The Colonel nodded. "Noticed you out in the garden this morning with that gardener person of yours. And then almost at sunset, you were out there in the cold."

"You don’t miss a thing, Colonel. Harrie gave me a piece of rock, a rose quartz, and it took four of us to move it in the wheel barrow." I laughed, thinking of Nirvana, Harrie and Silver as we maneuvered the huge chunk of stone. Silver and Nirvana went off to dinner and Harrie to her date.

I had a date with a cat. I hoped.

"Colonel, I can’t thank you enough for taking care of Moonie. It’s been a rough week and I couldn’t have done it without you."

"Pashaw," he mumbled. Or something that sounded like that.

"I’m not even certain if Half Moon will want to come home after being spoiled by you and Sari. I know you’ve enjoyed his company."

"Demanding cat, that. Why I had to take him for a walk every day. He’d caterwauled at the door if we didn’t go right on schedule. Pain in the caboose, that cat is," the Colonel grumbled.

Half Moon circled in place and flicked his tail at us.

"Well, I guess you won’t miss him when I take him home, huh?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"Of course not. Too high falutin’, that cat is. Don’t know how you can keep up with him."

At first I thought he was joking but I worried that he was serious now. Maybe Half Moon had been too much for the aging military man.

"I’m sorry. I thought maybe you enjoyed him."

"Harrumph."
"Colonel, sir, now don’t be so ornery. You’re upsetting the girl. Go on, tell her."

The Colonel glared at her and then up at Moonie who jumped down and circled the table. With one agile movement, he was lightly in the middle of the table. He twirled, flashing his tail across my nose. I laughed. Then he tail whacked the Colonel.

"What’s going on, Colonel? He seems upset with both of us."

"Well, let me explain, Dannah. Your friend here was missin’ you. I could tell. He knew I wanted him to stay on. I didn’t know how long you’d be gone and I got used to cat company. Doesn’t talk back like Sari, here."

She made a sound in her throat.

"We went walkin’ every day, your cat and me," the Colonel continued. "Suited both of us. He took to a lead better than any canine I ever trained." I could hear pride in his voice and relaxed a little, wondering what was coming.

"I knew you’d be along soon enough to take Moon Face home."

Moonie batted my hand, claws retracted. I reached out and rubbed behind an ear, waiting for a purr.

"Well, now. I see you two are properly getting reacquainted," the Colonel said.

"Colonel, tell her," Sari urged.

"Tell me what?" I demanded.

"I got my own cat. There." He crossed his arms, his lips a thin line.

"Your Moonie didn’t like any part of that. We’ve had to keep them separated for the past few days. They only get along when the Colonel takes them both for a walk," Sari filled in the details.

"You walk both cats on leads?" I couldn’t believe it.

He nodded, got up and pushed the swinging door into the dining room.

"C’mon, Pusskins." He shifted his voice up an octave. A black cat streaked past his feet and skidded on the polished linoleum. Moonie hissed, hair bristling like a porcupine.

"That’s Pusskins," Sari said. "Better take him back in the dining room, Colonel, until Dannah leaves." She supressed a giggle with her hand and winked at me as the Colonel bent to pick up the twitterpated cat.

I’d finished my milk and pie in the midst of the feline trauma.

"Time for us to go home, Moonie," I said.

"And it’s about time," grumped the Colonel.

Sari and I exchanged a glance. I stopped at the back door, turning. "Colonel, if you need an extra companion for walking, I’m sure Half Moon will be up for it." Cuddling my kitty in my arms, I walked down the back steps and headed home to the Coop.

H

I woke up feeling great. There’s nothing like sleeping with a purring cat to sooth a restless soul. No nightmares. It was the day-mares that would bother me.

I kept my appointment with the counselor. Wonder what the difference is between a counselor and a psychologist. Maybe it’s just what you say to other people. If you don’t want people to think you’re whacked, you mention a counselor. Sounds so proper and nice. A psychologist is way too close to a psychiatrist and then they know you’re in big trouble.

The guy was a geek, tall, skinny, hawk nosed and unsmiling. He kept his eyes on the computer, not me. How could he read my body language? And when I have issues with men, or at least one dead one, then why go to a male counselor? He entered a bunch of stuff on the computer while I answered his questions. Or avoided them. I’m much better if I have a deep conversation with Talia and Harrie.

And then he said I needed to see a psychiatrist anyway. He wanted me on some kind of meds for depression. I found him very depressing. I’d driven Sam’s truck over to the mental health center but needed to walk after my appointment to clear my head. I just followed my feet, scuffing leaves and frowning at the pavement.

I found myself in front of Nirvana’s loft and walked down the side of the building to the alley entrance. She had the Rolling Stones cranked and didn’t hear me enter. I stood in amazement as I often do when I visit here. Nirvana was on a high scaffold, her head covered with a Darth Vader like welding hood, working on the form of a woman.

I settled in a chair and Panther, her sleek black cat, jumped in my lap, purring and nudging my hand for attention. This was real therapy, not that pop psycho babble with Hawk Nose.

Nirvana paused, placing her torch in a holder and pushing the hood back off her face to stare at her creation. I remained silent, not wanting to distract her or startle her when she up so high. She turned, like she’d heard my thoughts.

"Hey, Dannah. Good timing. Be right down." She set her hood and gloves in a bin attached to the triple tiered scaffold and climbed down with the speed of a monkey. I laughed.

"You’re too funny, Nirvana. Sorry if I’m interrupting your work."

"No problem. I needed to take a break. This is the piece I’m going to attach the stones to—after talking to Silver, I realize I can have slabs of a stone cut in a particular size and then I’ll line them up along the chakras. I’m really jazzed about this sculpture." She grinned but didn’t take her eyes off it. "The Chakra Goddess. That’s her name."

Panther hopped down from my lap and circled Nirvana’s ankles.

"He thinks I work too much." She laughed. "What have you been up to?" She turned, focusing all her attention on me now.

"Oh, not much. I’ve been told I’m depressed."

"Who isn’t? What are you working on?"

"I was almost finished with a big piece I’d hoped to sell. It disappeared with all that mess around Zip. I haven’t heard another thing about it." I frowned.

"What new piece have you started since then? Most artists I know are depressed if they’re not in the midst and madness of creation."

"I never thought of that. You’re probably right. I’m carrying my watercolors around like some kind of talisman but I haven’t painted a thing. I haven’t even sketched anything. It’s like my fingers and brain are disconnected. You’re much better therapy than that clueless counselor I just saw. You understand me."

I told her about my dismal session.

"Better to go to the psychiatrist. I’ve lived with Prozac and without it. It’s better with. It may not be the right thing for you but you’ll never know if you don’t show up. We all carry a stigma about what is okay and what isn’t. Once you’re at the bottom of the barrel and you look up and see that there is sunshine if you just take a little pill, you’re willing to experiment."

"You really take meds? I don’t know why I came here. I was so upset I just started walking and my feet brought me to the Loft." I sighed.

"Your feet are connected even when you’re not aware of it." Her laughter sparkled throughout the Loft. "Let’s go get lunch. I’ll buy. I just sold a big piece that will keep me warm